After Effects
by Hannah554
Summary: One Shot based on John's thoughts after First Strike, Sparky.


He watched the heart monitors as they beeped away in a steady, regular rhythm. The sound offering him the one of the only comforts he was going to get at that moment in time. Life had fallen apart around him and was slowly putting itself back together again except for this one part, the part he most needed to be put right. The recent crisis had been taken care of and Atlantis was safe once again but life couldn't return to normal. As long as he had reason to be sitting here listening to the heart monitors life could never be normal.

John Sheppard watched as Elizabeth Weir laid lifelessly on the bed in front of him, the rise and fall of her chest reassuring him that she was alive. It wasn't much but he would take what he could get, whatever he could get. He had been sitting there for two hours issuing whatever orders he needed to issue from the chair beside her bed. He knew if anything major came up he would need to leave but for now he could give his orders from there. The people here didn't need him to hold their hands, they were all well trained and experienced, living in Atlantis meant you couldn't be anything else.

When he had walked into the control room earlier and saw Dr Keller taking Elizabeth away on the stretcher he was sure his heart had stopped for a moment. Keller had left the room in a hurry unable to offer him the reassurance he had needed and taking Elizabeth with her. He'd wanted to go after her, to follow her but he'd known he couldn't. With Elizabeth down he was in charge and his first responsibility was to Atlantis.

They had been in the middle of yet another deadly crisis that should have ended with them all being dead. Rodney had of course come up with a plan and somehow they had managed to pull it off and save Atlantis yet again. It had been a small victory with only a minimal amount of cheering and celebrating. They had all known that Elizabeth's life still hung in the balance. Dr Keller had kept him fairly well updated on Elizabeth's condition which hadn't changed much since she'd taken her to the infirmary.

He thought back to their time on Atlantis and how much it had completely changed him. He was no longer the young Air Force Major with a black mark on his record and no responsibility on his shoulders. He was now the military commander of an advanced alien base in another galaxy and the leader of the bases flagship team fighting a war against life sucking aliens intent on destroying them. The last three years had changed everything, he had matured and gained the respect of the same people who had been sure he was good for nothing but flying choppers in Antarctica.

Looking at the bed he could see the reason for the change. She had believed in him when no one, not even him had believed in him. She had given him the responsibility and allowed him the chance to prove himself. She had disagreed with him, argued with him, put him in his place when he was out of line but she had also taught him, taught him to see things from a different perspective. He'd been the military officer and she'd been the diplomat and it had made for an explosive combination but one that had found its balance.

They made the perfect team, they were so different and that helped to balance them out, to balance out command and keep everyone happy. At the same time they were so similar, both leaders and prepared to do whatever they had to do to lead. They had become so in tune with one another that sometimes they knew what the other was thinking before they did.

Dr Keller had tried to prepare him for all the possibilities, that she'd wake up and be fine, that she'd wake up and be different, that she wouldn't wake up, that she'd… die. He had almost blocked out the last one, refusing to acknowledge it could happen and clinging desperately to the hope that it wouldn't. His mind stubbornly refused to register it as a possibility as if subconsciously he thought that if he pretended it wasn't an option that it wouldn't happen.

Earth had been made aware of the situation and were sending someone to take Elizabeth's place on a temporary basis, at least until they knew what was going to happen. He wasn't sure how he was going to handle that or even if he could, someone else in_ Elizabeth's_ office, giving orders to _her_ people.

She looked so fragile lying there on the bed, tubes and wires running in their various different directions carrying out their functions. He had been afraid to touch her when he'd first got here and been able to sit with her, afraid that if he touched her she'd break. Now he had hold of her hand as though it were a lifeline, the only thing keeping him alive. He hated seeing her this way, she was always so strong and full of life. Memories only months old came into his mind of the last time she had been lying here looking like this. The nanites had trapped her inside her own mind and he had been close to losing her then too.

He hadn't been able to protect her, that was his job to protect Atlantis and its residents the most important of which was Elizabeth. He'd failed her and now there was nothing he could do to make it right. Nothing he could do to make her wake up and smile at him to reassure him. She had a way of making everything seem better, like it was somehow going to be okay.

He couldn't stand sitting here and not being able to do anything, it was foreign territory for him. Usually there was some bad guy who had to pay, who needed to be stopped, someone he could go after. Now though all he could do was sit here and watch her breathing hoping that she would open her eyes and be okay. That she would come back to them, to him and be Elizabeth.

So many people had been lost since they had arrived in Atlantis three years ago, sometimes he found himself wondering if it was all worth it. Most of the time the good outweighed the bad and he knew that in the end all the pain and the suffering and the loss were not for nothing. That it all had a purpose and the cause was worth fighting for.

This was different though, nothing was worth this. This job, this life had taken so much from him and he was willing to give it all, to accept the loss and move on. Not this time, this was too much, this was the one thing he couldn't have taken away. Life could take anything else, whatever it wanted but not this, not her.

End

Authors Note: This was just running circles in my head and wouldn't leave me alone so i decided to write it and see what happened. Let me know what you think.


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